


Suddenly

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-05
Updated: 2009-10-14
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:29:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8703169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: ****When Jared gets hurt and Jensen tries to help... what will happen?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** I had to delete this story once, because it was unbetad.  
>  Now I am back and I have a wonderful beta.  
> Big hug to for helping me out^^  
> Thx girl!!!

  
Author's notes: First chapter is always exciting and since this one is betad by the great Siouxsmn and the great Adriane I have the hope you will like it.  
Tell me what you think.  
Feedback is always loved!  


* * *

****

 

A persistent, loud knocking was what finally brought Jensen to a semi-state of awake. With squinting eyes, he looked at the analog alarm clock next to his bed. 3.30 am! 

 

Jensen leaned on his elbows to stretch from the position he was sleeping in. His whole body was aching. He must have slept the whole time on his stomach. 

 

Tired, he raised his head, than let it fall again, so that his forehead touched the cool material from his pillow. It hit him, that he only had two hours of sleep.

 

Again a loud knocking was heard. 

That was when Jensen realized somebody was knocking at his door, loudly. 

As it didn’t sound like it would end soon, he had no choice but to get out of bed. 

 

His toes touched the smooth carpet he had bought when we redesigned his bedroom. He hated walking barefoot on a cold parquet floor.

 

Again the knocking was heard, this time even louder and the banging harder. Who ever this is, thought Jensen, he is not leaving!

 

“Imonmyway” he mumbled and rubbed his hands again his tired eyes to try and wake up. 

It had been a hard day on set and he was damn happy when he was able to fall into his bed. 

 

He pushed himself up and walked out with noting on but his shorts and a shirt. 

He went along the hall, got downstairs and finally reached the front door.

 

“Jensen! Open up!” somebody jelled and was knocking again on the door. 

Jensen knew that voice. It was Jared! He hurried to open up the door.

 

“What the…” began Jensen but was pushed back inside by Jared who quickly closed the door behind them.

 

Then Jared looked through the peephole on the door to see if somebody had followed him. There was nobody. Not here at the house of his co-star and best friend.

 

Jared took a deep breath, leaned with his back against the door and tried to catch his breath. It was then that he looked at Jensen.

 

“Jesus Christ” he said relieved.

 

Jensen stared at him. 

Jared had a deep cut over his left eye, which was bleeding, and a cut on his lips.

 

“What the fuck happened to you?” Jensen asked alarmed and gently grasped Jared’s head into his hands to look carefully at the cuts. 

A wave a déjà vu swept through him and he thought he had done this hundred times before, but it wasn’t the same thing. Then, he was playing Dean watching out for his little brother Sam. This here was real! 

In addition, that was bad!

 

Jared closed his eyes under the soft touch of his friend. Jensen misinterpreted it that his friend was in pain.

 

“What happened?” he asked again and shoved Jared a bit aside, so that he could look through the window. Nobody in sight. 

He looked again at his friend. “So…I am waiting,” he said.

 

Jared smiled. “I think I had trouble” he said and was still smiling.

 

“Okay…with whom?” Jensen wanted to know. He moved to the living room and sat down on the couch. Jared followed.

 

“Nobody” he said.

 

“Huh?” Jensen looked weird now.

 

“I mean…I don’t know the guy…have no idea!” Jared said quickly.

 

Jensen smiled. “Like always… Jaredina cannot keep himself out of a fight!"

 

If you only knew…, Jared thought. 

He tried to laugh along with his friend. 

 

“Yeah…keep on laughing Jenny. I will remind you about that later, when you are to drunk to drive! Guess who’s laughing then!” Jared tentatively touched his fingertips over his lips that were aching now.

 

“Does it hurt much?” Jensen asked and looked at the wound.

 

“Not so bad…” Jared answered quickly and looked away from Jensen beautiful lips. He stood up and walked to the door.

 

“I think I’ll go home now. I’m sure I lost him. Sandy will be waiting for me…”he said and looked at his friend who was so deep in his heart.

 

“Are you sure?” Jensen asked. “You could spend the night here; we just have to call Sandy.”

 

“Thanks but no. I’m sure. I’m alright now,” Jared smiled and opened the door. 

He felt bad about lying to his friend, however, he had to. 

He turned around and stepped through the door, giving one final look at Jensen and then he was gone. 

By this time it was just before the dawn and it was very dark outside; thick clouds had pushed the moonlight away. Jared hurried to get home, walking quickly because his house was not so far from Jensen’s, just a few streets over. 

How could he be so stupid to go to Jensen? Sadly he shook his head. How could he explain what happened? That all things in his life were lies already? Jensen was his best friend, no questions, but how could he explain him, that all happened because of him? 

He could never find out! 

 

***** 

 

Jensen could not fall back asleep again. 

He sat in front of the television and watched the sports channel, thoughts of Jared still in his head. 

The way he stood in front of him, seemingly broken in those first moments. Then he started playing everything down. 

However, Jensen knew that Jared would never show up in the middle of the night if it was for nothing. Not that Jensen minded, he was his best friend and was welcome at any time. Nevertheless, something gave him the feeling that Jared was not honest with him.

 

He looked at his watch. Jared would be home now; he thought and picked up his phone. Sandy will probably kill him for calling at this time. However, he wanted to know if Jared made it home all right.

 

He dialed the number and waited. No answer. After trying continually for nearly five minutes with no answer, Jensen hung up in frustration. Then he tried Jared’s mobile phone. The same thing.

 

Jensen chewed his bottom lip in concern while fighting an internal struggle with himself. 

I should have driven him home,he thought, it’s not like he doesn’t live that far. What if that mystery person was still out there?

 

Coming to a decision, Jensen dialed Sandy’s cell phone number. 

Waiting, expecting to have to hand up, he started when a tired female voice said “Hello?”

 

“Hi Sandy… this is Jensen. I am sorry for calling you but no one answered the phone. Can you let me talk to Jared for a moment, please? It’s important.”

 

Hearing nothing after a few moments, Jensen wondered if she had ended the call.

 

“Jen…are you drunk?” Sandy finally asked.

 

“Why would you ask that?” he didn’t understand the question.

 

“Jensen, Jared and I broke up two months ago…you know that…right?”

 

Jensen was dumbstruck. He did not know it! He wasn’t drunk but he sure felt like he should be.

 

“Sandy…sorry… I have to…” Jensen hung up. He didn’t know what to say.

 

One hour later, he still sat on the couch and stared at the TV. What was that bullshit all about? Two months? Why hadn’t Jared said something? The way he loved Sandy, he must have been living in hell after breaking up with her. Why didn’t he notice it? What a great friend he was.

 

At the same time, Jensen was alarmed that he felt a bit relieved because Sandra had had something he was not able to have. She had all that he wanted. She had Jared.

 

Jensen tried to ignore these thoughts but he couldn’t. If he was true to himself he fell in love with Jared long time ago. 

But how could that be? He wasn’t gay! He had had many relationships with beautiful woman but nothing in those relationships compared to the feeling he had if Jared was around. He was not only his best friend…it felt like soul mates. 

Nevertheless, Jared was straight so Jensen kept his thoughts to himself and focused on only their friendship.

 

For a long time, Jensen sat and thought, trying to figure out of he should talk to Jared about this. 

He felt hurt that Jared had not told him about something so important. But then again, it really wasn’t any of his business. But he knew that if and when Jared was ready to talk, he would be there.

 

****

 

One Week later…

 

Jared appeared to be as normal as ever on set. 

Jensen however, knew that he really wasn’t. 

That Jared was somehow different. 

The smiles and jokes were fake and Jared did his best to avoid contact with Jensen between takes.

 

Can’t anyone else see it? Jensen asked himself.

 

They somehow managed to get through filming the episode though. It was slow going because Jared was not in a good mood and blew many of his scenes, requiring a lot of retakes.

 

“Cut” Eric looked pissed at Jared and Jensen. “What’s up with you two? Get into fight?” 

He looked seriously at his two stars who were saying nothing and appeared to be embarrassed. “Look…I don’t what the problem is…but you two get a half an hour to get rid of it!”

 

Jensen had turned his back to Jared and now looked surprised at Eric. He had never seen him so pissed. Why Eric did think they had a fight?

 

Jensen turned to look at his co-star, to find he was gone. 

Jensen walked swiftly to Jared’s trailer, reminding himself of the promise that he would not talk about that Sandy-thing. 

However, he knew, in light of what was happening on the set that he could not keep his promise. Something was not right with Jared and he had to know what that could be.

 

As he arrived at Jared’s he knocked on the trailer door.

 

“What?” Jared hissed.

 

Jensen opened the door to the sight of his friend angrily looking towards him.

 

“Dude” 

Jensen looked at him and tried to smile. One of his Dean smiles. “May I come in?”

 

“It’s a free country isn’t it?”

 

Jensen looked surprised and stepped into the trailer, closing the door behind him. “Dude, what’s up?”

 

Jared looked frustrated. 

Jensen could tell he was clearly angry with him, but he just couldn’t figure out why. Waiting for a response, Jensen grabbed some candy and just waited.

 

“It’s nothing Jen” Jared lied. 

 

He hated it but he did not know what to say. 

Jensen didn’t even notice what happened between him and Sandy so how Jen could understand him.

 

“Hu…okay…so, breaking up with Sandy months ago and not telling anybody is nothing?”

 

Jared paled and tensed up. “How… who…?” 

 

“Jay… it was just a mistake that I found out. I am sure you had your reasons to not tell me…” Jensen started to worry when he saw the sweat break out on Jared’s face. Jensen suddenly felt sorry and very concerned for his friend.

 

“Listen, Jay? No matter what it is? I just wanted you to know I am right here for you if you want to talk. I am a good listener!” Jensen reached out and laid on hand on his friends shoulder.

 

Jared flinched. “Don’t touch me!” he said clearly shocked.

 

“Why?”

 

“You should stay away from me, believe me Jen, it’s only for your best!” Jared looked more frustrated then ever and stepped a bit away from Jensen.

 

Jensen just stood there, trying to understand what Jared wanted.

 

***** 

 

The break was over sooner then Jensen thought. 

Unsure of what to do now since nothing was resolved between himself and Jared, it became his turn to mess up his parts and now Kripke was angry about that. 

He called off the shoot for the day.

 

“Jay? Can I drive you home?” Jensen asked his friend on their way to their trailers. 

 

Jared had been picked up that morning from their personal set driver. 

Usually Jensen drove with them but he had bought a new car a few days ago and wanted to drive his new baby.

 

“Get the fuck out of my life” Jared murmured. 

 

It broke his heart to say those words. 

He hurried to get to his trailer and shut the door, hoping Jensen would not follow him.

 

Why does his life have to be so unfair? Why was it so complicated? Moreover, why had Jensen finally found out that he and Sandy had broken up? 

 

Jay took a deep breath and put on his jacket. He hated to lie to Jensen but he had no other choice if he wanted to keep him safe.

 

*****

 

The driver brought Jared home and wished him a nice evening. 

 

‘A nice evening?’ Unlikely, Jared thought and walked hesitantly into his house. His heart pounded heavy in his chest as he unlocked the door.

 

“There you are!” a deep voice came from the living room.

 

Jared shut his eyes and wished he were far away.

 

“You’re late!” the voice said.

 

Jared opened his eyes again to find himself face to face with a handsome guy. 

Cal was almost as big as he was. Very well muscled with long brown hair bound in the back. His dark eyes flashed in anger at Jared.

 

“Cal! Piss off! I already had a bad day…” Jared murmured and tried to get past him. 

 

Cal was fast and had his hands heavy on Jared’s throat and pushed against the wall before Jared knew it.

 

“A bad day, huh?” he hissed angrily, tightening his grip on Jared’s throat until he saw stars. Jared tried to break Cal’s iron grip but with no success.

 

***** 

 

Jensen had driven as far as around the block, deep in thought. 

He couldn’t figure out what was up with Jared. Something happened, obviously. 

However, how could he find out if Jared was not even talking to him anymore? Those thoughts were making him angry.

 

He stopped his car in front of Jared’s house and looked through the front garden to the door, trying to figure out what to do. 

The mood Jared had been in today was not his usual flowers and sunshine. Jensen feared that if he couldn’t get Jared to talk to him now, he’d never be able to talk to him.

 

He thought about getting out of his car and dropping in when his eye lit upon a huge car he had never seen before. The plates on it identified it as being someone from Texas.

 

Okay.

 

Obviously the wrong time to talk to Jared if he had family or friends around. Jensen decided to wait for the next day. He sighed and drove home.

 

***** 

 

“Please…stop it!” Jared whispered, his throat so sore and tight he could hardly breathe.

 

“What did I told you about your little friend Jensen?”Cal huffed angrily. 

Jared could smell the alcohol on his breathe.

 

“Please…” Jay begged and clawed at Cal’s hands. His mind was already becoming fuzzy.

 

Jared squeezed his eyes shut when he felt the blow from Cal’s fist against his face.

 

“You followed my rules?” Cal demanded, his voice bittersweet.

 

Jared did not say anything.

 

“Answer me you fucking whore!”

 

Jared knew he was in trouble. 

 

He nodded, exhausted. “Yes”

 

If it was possible, Cal looked angrier at him. 

 

“Liar!” he roared, the hate thick in his voice. 

“I saw you Jared. I was there. I told you I would look after Jensen. You had better done what I told you. I know you don’t want your friend to have a terrible accident, do you?”

 

Again, Cal’s fist hit Jared’s face and he felt the blood pooling from his upper lip.

 

“You know, first it was the money I wanted…” Jay could feel Cal’s breath at his ear. 

“But I got lonely waiting for you…and now I want your body!” 

Cal punched Jared in the stomach bringing him to his knees when his legs gave out. Cal’s grip around his neck was as strong as before.

 

Jared could feel the cold floor on his back and tried to get away from Cal, who just laughed.

 

“Don’t be afraid kitten. I know what you need! I’ll make it so good for you that you’ll scream my name!” He licked his tongue along Jared’s lips and tasted his blood.

 

Jared felt sick, feeling the bile begin to churn in his stomach. He fought hard against the urge to retch. To try and escape what Cal was getting ready to do, Jared’s mind drifted back to when he first met Cal.

 

Flashback... 

 

...He knew from the very first moment he had met Cal that he was in trouble. 

He had broken up with Sandy, not because he did not love her anymore. He did, but those feelings were more as a sister than what they should have been for someone who was almost his wife. 

The feelings he should have by looking at her beautiful face, he felt with someone else. The warm feeling in his stomach. The excitement to see that person. The happiness and lust when he touched that person. It was all there.

 

With Jensen.

His best friend and co-star.

 

Cal appeared the first time on set and told them he would be a reporter from Buddy TV. Jensen and Jared gave him interviews without hesitation. 

Then it all got worse.

 

One day, Jared had forgotten to lock his trailer. Cal used his chance, got in and found Jared’s laptop. He managed to unlock the password and found Jared’s journal. 

As Jared got back from shooting a scene he stepped right in his own nightmare.

 

Cal had found out that Jared was in love with Jensen and was going to use it to blackmail him. He knew Jared would not tell Jensen because he was afraid of loosing his best friend, his straight best friend ever.

 

Cal wanted a huge amount of money. If Jared didn’t pay, Jensen would be in danger. No cops allowed.

 

After a while Cal moved in so that he could supervise Jared daily...

 

...End of Flashback

 

 

“Come on you little slut! I will take care of you!” Cal whispered in Jared’s ear.

 

Jay tried to fight Cal and pushed him hard. However, Cal managed to sit across Jared’s legs and kept his hands on either side of Jared’s head. Jared could not move anymore.

 

Fighting Jared made Cal even angrier. 

“Come on Jared. Take it as the whore you really are! And don’t tell me you don’t like it!” 

Again, his tongue slid across Jays lips.

 

Jay felt like he would throw up. He tried to move his head away.

 

Cal’s fist landed on Jared’s face again. The pain took his breath away. His world began to spin and he felt hot tears running down his cheeks.

 

“Oh…don’t worry bitch! It is not over yet. I told you to get rid of Jensen. Now get what is coming to ya for lying to me…” Cal rans his hands through Jared’s hair curling his fingers into fists, gripping the long strands. 

 

He began to bang Jared’s head against the floor.

 

Jared groaned in pain, almost losing consciousness.

 

Everything started to spin faster and as Cal finally stopped and got off Jared, he was not even able to raise his hand to his bleeding cheek.

 

Cal pulled at Jared’s leather jacket…Dean’s leather jacket. Jared had borrowed it a few days ago. It snowed the whole day and his own jacket got lost on the outside set.

 

Before Jared knew what was happening, Cal pulled off his jeans and flipped Jared onto his stomach.

 

“Please…no!” Jared cried, panic in his voice. 

 

He suddenly felt a burning pain as something hard shoved inside of him, tearing him apart with a pain he never felt before. 

He started screaming, then he felt sick. He wanted to throw up because of what was happening to him. 

With Cal bured deep inside him, thrusting hard Jared finally gave into the blackness that had been beckoning him. 

 

****

 

When Jared finally came to, he was relieved to discover he was alone. 

Slowly, he tried to stand up. 

He felt like he’d been run over by a truck. His whole body ached.

 

He remembered what happened the previous night. 

Not able to help himself, a loud sob escaped his throat.

 

Cal had disappeared and had left him on the floor like trash…garbage. 

Jared began to cry. He felt like a kid.

 

‘This is your own fault Jared, you let him do this. You could have fought him!’ He thought.

 

After crying a few more minutes, he decided to try standing up once more. 

This time he managed to get onto his feet but moaned at the pain that shot through his body. 

He collected his jacket and jeans and that was when he noticed that he had been bleeding. 

Damn it! 

He reached around and gently touched his ass and felt his stomach churn violently. 

Ignoring the pain, he ran to the bathroom, dropping down in front of the toilet just as his stomach revolted and he threw up.

 

After several minutes passed, in exhaustion he slid down onto the floor. His eyes drifted to his watch.

 

“Fuck…” he wimpered.

 

He was supposed to be on set an hour ago.

In exactly that moment, the doorbell rang.

 

‘Please let it not be Jensen!’ Jared thought.

 

“Jared? Are you at home?” he heard Jensen’s voice call out through the front door.

 

Jared slid further down the wall. He had not even heard the driver this morning! Now he was going to be in big trouble.

 

“Jay?” Jensen jelled.

 

Jared lay down on the floor and started to cry again. Why did this to happen? Why him?

 

Jensen pressed the doorbell again but there was no answer. Jensen knew he was at home, his car was still there and the dogs could be heard barking.

 

Since Jared was missing on set this morning, Jensen drove to Jared’s house because he was worried. Not even Kripke had heard from his co-star. Now, here he was. Standing in front of a closed door.

 

It was not like Jared to be late or sick with the flu or something that would cause him to miss the shoot and not let someone know. 

In addition, after his mood yesterday Jensen was very sure that something was wrong. The two of them did not spent so much time together and not learn something about each other.

 

Jensen hated to do this, but he had no other choice. He pulled out his keyring and searched for the key to Jared’s house. He had a bad feeling so he decided to let himself in.

 

Jared had given it to him just for the case…and this right now was definitely an emergency.

 

“Jared?” he called again as he opened the door and walked in. 

It was quiet. Too quiet.

 

His eyes fell on the leather jacket laying on the floor beneath a pair of jeans and a shirt. 

 

“Seems like somebody was in a hurry…” Jensen said and looked around.

 

His eyes caught something unusual looking on the floor. He walked over and dropped down on his knees to get a better look. There were little spots on the dark carpet.

 

He touched it with his fingertips and looked at it. 

It was blood! Jensen’s whole body tensed up and he held his breath.

 

“Jared!” he almost screamed and took a hard look around again. “I know you are at home! Say something!”

 

Then he saw it…a little trail of blood spots leading to the stairs.

 

With a pounding heart, he followed the trail up the stairs, pictures flashing in his mind of what he would find...


	2. Chapter 2

As Jensen reached the top of the stairs the trail ended. He went to the bedroom and looked in it. 

It was empty, the bed looking as though it had not been slept in the night before.

 

Then he went towards the hallway bathroom. 

As he went to push the door open, he saw the blood on it.

 

“What the…?” he said. 

 

Fearful of what he might find on the other side, he slowly opened the door.

 

“Jared! My god…” he yelled at the sight that greeted him and hurried to his friend’s side.

 

Jared was unconscious, naked and curled up into a ball. Jensen could see the blood from cuts on his cheeks and lips. 

Kneeling down beside him, Jensen smoothly touched his face and stroked a strand of hair from his friends face. A few drops of blood were on Jared’s chin and Jensen reached out to wipe them away.

 

He looked over the body of his best friend, feeling a moment of dizziness at the sight of Jared naked in front of him. 

He couldn’t help but notice the tight muscles over the stomach, now marred by bruises. 

It was obvious there had been a fight.

 

Jensen wanted to touch the smooth skin that was now blue and purple. 

His jaw clenched tight at the surge of anger that rushed through him and he wanted nothing more than to tear apart the one who did this to his best friend.

 

Before his eyes could linger on the more delicious part of Jared’s body, he heard a whispered moan and looked up into Jared’s now open eyes.

 

“Dude, what happened? You scared the shit out of me!” Jensen’s relieved voice was soft and caring. He tried to help Jared to get on his feet.

 

“Everything okay? Should I call a doctor?”

 

“No! No Jensen. I am okay.” Jared whimpered. A doctor was the last he needed right now.

 

“Don’t tell me you are okay, Jay!” Jensen looked at him in disbelieve. 

“You look like shit! Tell me what happened! Who did this to you?”

 

Jared finally stood on his own feet and reached for the bathrobe, which was hanging on the door. 

 

“Do you mind if I put this on first?” Jared asked, deflecting the questions thrown at him. 

Every little movement hurt like a bitch.

 

“No, of course not!” Jensen said blushing. 

He looked away before he was caught staring at his best friend.

 

Jared put on his bathrobe and turned to face Jensen.

 

“So…?” he asked Jared, his eyes questioning.

 

“Nothing spectacular, Jen. I swear!” Jared lied and tried to smile.

 

“Nothing spectacular,” Jensen muttered as he followed Jared into the bedroom. “So, I want to know….” Jensen sat down on a chair in the bedroom.

 

Jared tried to sit down on his bed, on a cushion. He sucked in a breath when pain exploded through his bottom. “You wouldn’t believe me…” 

 

“Try me…” 

 

“I…wanted to take a shower and slipped .I fell on the floor and…hit my head?” Jared was not all sure that he made it sound convincing. Okay, he really had hit his head…but it was Cal’s fault.

 

Jensen looked at him incredulously. “Okay, well .That explains why you had been lying on the floor…but where did all the bruises come from?”

 

“Jesus, Jen! You are more annoying than Sam is! Okay, God. I had a run-in with this guy again this morning when I took the dogs for a walk! He beat me up. When I got home I just wanted to take a shower!” Jared murmured.

 

“Okay…What did you do to this guy that he beat you up?” Jen smiled.

 

Jared was relieved, his lie was working. 

Still he felt bad about lying to his friend. 

What other choice did he have? He felt miserable.

What would Jensen think about him if he knew the truth? 

How could he explain that an other man raped him? 

 

Jensen always laughed about his muscle training, so how could he tell him that he wasn’t able to fight against something so stupid? No way!

 

“I flirted with his girlfriend!” he replied reluctantly.

 

“Got it. And here I worried you would have a stalker!” Jensen laughed.

 

Jared tried to smile. “Yeah…that would be crazy…”

 

Jensen stood up. 

“We should call Eric before he decides to kill us!” he looked out of the window. “Tell me …since when do you leave your dogs outside?”

 

Jared went all white again. 

Fuck! He had completely forgotten to get his babies inside. They must been starving! Cal must have let them outside because he hated the “bastards”!

 

“Uhm…” Jared muttered before another thought swiftly entered his head. 

 

Cal! Where was he? Jared had been so happy that he was not there that he had forgotten that it meant trouble and danger for Jensen to be at his house!

 

“You should go now!” Jared said and stood up from his bed. 

 

He went to the bedroom door and held it open so that Jensen would get the idea and leave. 

Jared could clearly see that Jensen was worried about him. 

In addition, he really wasn’t so sure that he bought his lies. 

 

Jen walked towards him. 

 

“I’ll Eric tell that you are sick with the flu” Jensen said as he came face to face with Jared as he walked to the door.

 

Jared nodded.

 

Their eyes met. An uneasy silence.

 

Jared started getting nervous. 

He almost could not stand the way Jensen was looking at him without reaching out and throwing himself in his arms. He practically drowned in Jensen’s emerald green eyes. 

 

Suddenly Jensen moved past him and went downstairs.

 

Before he reached the last step, he turned around and looked at Jared one last time. 

 

“You know, Jay…I am your best friend. You don’t need to lie to me! I would never condone anything you do. You know that right?” 

 

“I know Jen.” Jared said as calm as possible and smiled at him. 

 

“Great…” Jensen said and turned away from Jared’s. “Because if you would have lied to me, you would have caught on that I noticed there was no water in the shower…” He left with Jared staring at him.

 

Jared took a relived breath as he heard the door shut. 

He hurried to get downstairs as tried to get Jensen’s words out of his head. 

However, he heard them repeatedly; he saw the look in Jensen’s eyes the whole time, and it was starting to drive him mad.

 

He entered the living room and opened the door to his garden to let the dogs in. 

After he fed them, he went back to his bathroom and filled the tub. 

He wanted to take a bath to wash away all the pain and dirt that Cal had left on him… 

 

****** 

 

Cal sat in his car and watched Jensen leaving Jared’s house. His house… 

He already knew that Jared had lied to him and that he was still friend with that bastard. 

His hands clenched into fists.

 

‘This means a lot of trouble for Jared’, he thought and smiled as he remembered the pain on Jared’s face as he fucked him senseless. 

 

Last night he had taken what he needed but that was not the punishment he decided to give for breaking the rules.

 

No. 

 

He would torture Jared as long as it took until he had to give up. 

Until Jared Padalacki was gone and his new boy toy was in his place.

 

Cal wasn’t worried about Jared’s feelings. 

He didn’t feel a thing about him one way or another. 

It was the thought of all the money he was going to get from this that spurred him on.

 

Maybe he should visiting Jensen…

 

“No, I have to wait!” he said and smiled.

 

He already had a few things that he had to do to Jared first. 

Jensen should be the cherry on top of it all…

 

****

 

The next day… 

 

...Jared woke up to a sore back. 

 

Kripke had called and had given him a day off, because Jensen had told him Jared was sick.

 

Cal had arrived later that night. 

Jared’s body tensed up as he thought about it and his hand touched his left eye. 

It was swollen and hurt like a bitch. 

 

He tried to sit up and the pain in his back exploded.

 

Memories of last night came pouring back in...

 

Flashback...

 

... “He was here!” Cal shouted at Jared.

 

“No, he was not!” Jared shouted back. 

 

He was prepared for everything. He stood there ready to fight.

 

“What’s up, Kitten?” Cal laughed as he looked at him. “Wanna hit me?” 

 

Jared frowned at him. 

 

“I dont think so!” Cal said. 

 

He pointed at the cup Jared had drunk from. 

Then he picked up a little bottle from his jacket that was hanging over a chair.

 

“What’s that?” Jared whispered, already afraid of what Cal would tell him.

 

“You won’t have time to hit me, Jared. I’m not stupid! I already knew you would react like this!”

 

Cal left Jared standing there as he left the house.

 

Jared’s heart started pounding like it would rip out of his chest. 

He realized Cal had drugged his drink. 

He rushed up to his bathroom and tried to make himself throw up. Maybe he could stop it!

 

He managed to throw up everything he had inside of his stomach, but at the same time he noticed the room began to spin.

 

“No” he whispered as he forced himself to stand up. 

 

He dragged himself out of the bathroom and down the stairs to the living room to where his cell phone sat.

 

‘He’ll kill me!’ Jared thought as dialed Jensen’s number, fighting to stay conscious .

 

After the phone rang two times, Jensen picked it up.

 

Jared wanted to say something but no words came from his mouth. 

He lied on his carpet and held the phone pressed to his ear. He heard Jensen’s voice.

 

“Hello?” Jensen asked.

 

Jared’s head began to spin and he felt Cal grab the phone from him.He was already back!

 

“Oh…Hi! I dialed the wrong number…Excuse me please!” he said and ended the call.

 

Then he dragged Jared’s limp body upstairs...

 

... End Flashback

 

***** 

 

Jared shook his head. 

He was so grateful to be on his own now. 

He had paid for calling Jensen.

 

Maybe it was really best for both of them to avoid everything about their friendship. 

He couldn’t take the risk that something could happen to Jensen. But how could that work? They had to shoot together.

 

Jared stood up, put on his jeans and went to his bedroom door. It was locked.

 

It took two hours until Cal opened the door. He shot Jared a nasty look.

 

“Come with me!” he said and his hand wrapped around Jared’s neck.

 

Jared bit his lip and tried to ignore the pain. Cal shoved him into the kitchen.

 

“I thought about something to punish you for your behavior. Next time you will do what I tell you, that I can promise!” he laughed.

 

Jared’s heart raced. He looked around to try and guess what Cal could have in his mind. 

 

His eyes fell on the oven and the stove that had a pan on it. He looked at Cal in shock. He knew in that moment what was on his mind.

 

This would be very painful.

 

Cal laughed and grabbed Jared’s arm.

 

Jared tried to get away , but a blow from Cal’s fist on his already sore face had him sinking to his knees and for a second he forgot about the situation he was in.

 

Cal shoved him forwards and Jared felt a agonizing pain shoot through his arm, roughly bringing him back to reality.

 

It was not the hot water. Cal had shoved his arm onto the hot oven plate.

 

Jared could smell his skin burning. 

 

He screamed in pain and Cal let him go. 

Jared tried to catch his breath and held his arm close to his body.

 

“Listen to me faggot!” Cal murmured and pulled at Jared’s hair. “You will introduce me to Jensen as your boyfriend! You will tell him that we belong together. Then I can be near you without stupid questions!” he smiled.

 

“No!” Jared whispered.

 

****** 

 

The next morning Jared was on the set on time. 

He hadn’t slept the whole night, although he was alone .

 

The pain from his sore arm and the fear of introducing Cal to Jensen didn’t let him close his eyes. 

 

He tried to figure out what to do. But there was nothing. Not in his situation. 

 

He knew it was wrong to say nothing, but he also knew that Cal was dangerous. 

He didn’t wanted Jensen to be in danger. 

He didn’t want anybody to know about the rape either. 

He already felt like shit…what would people think about him.

 

In addition, no matter how often he had taken a shower during the last two days, the dirt simply did not want to disappear. 

 

He finally forced himself to stop before it turned into a compulsion to keep going. 

 

He had defended himself against Cal, but had paid a bitter price. 

Now he stood there, Cal at his side and waited for Jensen.

 

When Jensen’s car drove around the corner, Jared’s heart sank.

 

Jensen parked the car in his spot and got out. 

His eyes fell on Jared who seemed to be waiting for him. Next to Jared stood a tall man, quite handsome with muscles and long hair.

 

‘Hey’, Jensen thought. ‘Isn’t that the guy from Buddy TV?’

 

He locked up his car and came alongside his friend.

 

“Everything good? ” he asked Jared as he stood in front of them and laid his hand on his friends arm. 

 

He said "Hi" to Cal.

 

“Hi Jensen! ” Cal grinned.

 

Jared closed his eyes. This was a nightmare. 

A funny silence fell between them.

 

Cal picked Jared on the arm, directly where he had burned him. 

Jared winced and sucked in a breath.

 

Jensen looked at him questioningly. 

 

“Is everything all right?” he asked, worried.

 

Jared tried to smile. 

 

“Yeah, I…err… I wanted to introduce someone to you” he stuttered. 

 

He hadn‘t the heart to do it. He couldn’t.

 

His gaze fell to Cal who had already offered Jensen his hand . Apparently Cal noticed that Jared hesitated, thereupon he took the lead.

 

“I’m Cal” he said friendly. Oh God, how Jared hated this oh so friendly fuss.

 

“Yeah, I know. The guy from Buddy TV,” Jensen looked at him a little irritated.

 

“Exactly,” Cal faced Jared.

 

“Err. . . yeah you know Jen, you’re my best friend and I wanted I...I thought you should be the first person to know. Cal and I are together.” As Jared spoke the words he felt his heart break.

 

Jensen looked from Cal to Jared and back again, surprised evident in his expression. 

 

If Jared didn’t know better, he would’ve guessed that he saw something like pain or jealousy in his best friend’s eyes. 

 

“Uhm . . . okay. I’m glad for you…I...I didn’t even know that you…I mean,” Jensen stuttered.

 

At that moment the make-up artist came and called for Jensen. 

 

“I have to go,” he said relieved and looked once again in Jared’s eyes.

 

Something was definitely wrong. 

He had never seen so much pain and sadness in his friends eyes. 

He shook his head. 

 

“I’ll see you later,” he said and set off to his trailer to get dressed. 

 

He ignored Cal.

 

Jensen was fighting the growing desire inside him to hit Cal so hard he would have trouble getting up.

 

´Calm down´ he said to himself. 

 

‘Why? Why did it have to happen?’ 

 

He knew for a long time that he liked Jared more than a friend and now this guy! 

 

Jensen hit the door to his trailer with his fist before he opened it and walked inside. 

 

He sat on the bed and swept his hand through his hair.

 

Jared had looked at him with such desperation. 

He had smiled but Jensen knew him to well. 

It was the worst pretend smile that he ever seen on him.

 

Jensen reviewed the past days when he had been with Jared. 

He remembered how Jared came to him at night and how he tried to refuse him.

 

Suddenly an idea of what might be happening to his friend broke through his thoughts so quickly, it felt like he was trapped in a landslide. 

Jensen’s face went pale.

 

\--“Don’t touch me”, hissed Jared.--

 

Jensen heard his friends words from that night.

 

Did Cal have something to do with it? 

 

He remembered a naked Jared in the bathroom.

 

He jumped up off the bed and put on his make up shirt. Hopefully, makeup wouldn’t take too long so that he could catch up with Jared and talk to him. He had to know the truth.

 

*****

 

Jensen had the feeling the make up girl was working extra slow. 

Finally he was done but they already called him on set.

 

“Damn it!” he cursed. 

 

He had wanted to speak to Jared before he had to go on set.

 

On his way to the set he saw Jared as he was on his way to make up. 

Cal was no where to be seen. 

 

Jensen jumped the opportunity.

 

“Hey Jare!” he called out but either his friend seemed to ignore him or he really wasn’t hearing Jensen.

 

Jay just disappeared in the trailer.

 

***** 

 

Jensen finally got lucky. 

 

The shoot went smooth and for a short time he tried not to think about Jared. 

 

He was doing a scene with just Dean. 

 

Although he really loved to perform together in a scene together with Jared, he was relieved for once to be shooting alone. 

He was able to concentrate on his script and finish the scene as quickly as possible.

 

“Hey Cindy? Did Jared finish his scenes already?“ he asked the assistant as he left the set. 

 

She nodded. 

 

“Yes. He finished a few minutes ago. His burnt arm fit perfectly into to the fight scene. That boy always has something new to throw at us,” she smiled.

 

Jensen swallowed. “Yeah.. You know him. Always a pain in the ass for the make up girls!”

 

The joke was more than lame but Jensen didn’t mind. 

He waved good bye and made his way to Jared’s trailer. 

 

***** 

 

Jared closed the door behind him. 

 

It has been only a short scene and he was glad for it.

 

As much as he loved his work, at the moment he wasn’t able to concentrate for long. 

He felt like doing nothing more than hiding underneath his blanket and not come out until.. Ever!

 

Kripke told him about the CW party that would take place in two days. 

As much as Jared looked forward to see his friends again and all members of the SUPERNATURAL crew, he had tried to cancel it. 

 

He tried his kicked puppy look as he really couldn’t do his stunt lie again. 

It was the dumbest lie ever. 

But Eric made it perfectly clear that there was no way he was to not be there. 

All the big TV stations and newspapers would be there to promote the new season. 

 

Jared sighed and changed from his ‘Sam’ clothes into his own. 

 

“This pain is killing me,” he hissed and tried to get comfortable in his jeans that hung already low on his waist.

 

He couldn’t tell which part of his body hurt most. 

 

His burnt arm was really the worst part of it at the moment. 

It started bleeding as a vampire attacked him in his scene but fortunately, no one had noticed.

 

Jared moved slowly to his little bathroom and picked up a package of pills from the shelf. 

He pressed two pills into his hand to swallow them down with water. He hated these things but they were strong and they would not only control the pain in his body, but his head as well.

 

How he wished he could have faded away at the moment as Cal introduced himself to Jensen. 

He saw Jensen’s green eyes in front of him. What had he seen in those eyes? 

 

Jared walked back to his bed, passing a big mirror on the way .

He stopped abruptly and gazed at his mirror image.

 

“Jesus,” he hissed through his teeth when he glanced at his back. 

 

The bloody welts from last night coated his back from his shoulders to his hips.

 

He paid for defending himself against Cal...

 

Flashback ...

 

... “You will do what I say!” The images came back, the images he had tried so hard to push away.

 

Cal tugged his belt from the nightstand; it was his favorite belt with a big metal buckle in front. Jared, who was laying on the floor tried in vain to escape, but his ribs were in such pain that it was impossible for him to move. 

 

He shut his eyes as he relieved the memory because he could almost feel the pain of the kicks again.

 

“I’ll teach you to listen to my words! I wanna hear you beg!” Cal laughed icily.

 

“Please…don’t!” Jared whimpered.

 

His eyes were filled with fear as he looked at the shiny metal that smashed with a brutal force on his back...

 

...End Flashback 

 

“Holy Fuck!” 

 

Jared heard a loud voice behind him which caused him to flinch in panic. 

He jerkily turned towards the door. 

With fear in his eyes he turned to face Jensen.

 

Jensen stood in the door of the trailer and stared horrified at Jared. 

 

“What the hell,” he said gentle and took a step toward his friend.

 

Jared backed off in fear so quickly that his back hit the wall. He sucked in a painfully breath.

 

“Whoa! Easy tiger!” Jensen said and stayed where he was. 

 

Jared didn’t know what to do.

 

“How long have you been standing there?” he asked cast his eyes shamefully to the floor.

 

“Long enough,” worry was evident on Jensens face. “What the hell happened to you?”

 

Jensen carefully scanned his eyes all over his friend. He really looked terrible.

 

“Nothing. A stunt accident,” Jared replied offhandedly and excused himself.

 

He knew though that it was the worst lie he had done. 

 

Ever.

 

Jensen raised one of his eyebrows. 

 

“I don’t believe a word you say.”

 

“I know,” Jared sighed and without looking at Jensen he took a new pullover from his shelf. 

 

“We should hurry. Kripke is waiting for us with the new script” he said as he pulled the pullover over his head.

 

Jensen just stood there speechless. 

Was this really happening or had he just fallen asleep in his trailer and was now stuck in a scary nightmare?

 

As Jared tried to open the door, Jensen went to stand in front of it. 

 

“Jay, please! Stop lying to me!” he pleaded, his voice barely a whisper. 

 

Jared locked eyes with Jensen. 

He didn’t know how to answer. 

What was he supposed to do? Jensen had seen his wounds… his welts.. the scars. 

There was nothing to hide anymore.

 

“Please,” Jensen pleaded and touched Jared’s arm.

 

The pain was unbelievable. 

It shot through Jared’s body and made him see tiny dancing stars.

Apparently the painkillers didn’t do its job. 

Jared clutched his arm to his chest.

 

“Jay?” Jensen asked, terrified.

 

“What ?!” Jared hissed through clenched teeth.

 

“Show me?” Jensen’s voice was gentle. 

 

He gently took Jared’s arm and pulled up the sleeve. 

A bloody bandage was slowly revealed.

 

“What the fuck? How did this happen? And don’t lie to me anymore! You should see a doctor!” Jensen was serious.

 

Jared didn’t know what to say. 

He wanted to reply, he really did. 

He knew that Jensen was worried. 

But the words just couldn’t come.

 

“Has this something to do with that Buddy TV guy?” Jensen demanded. “Because I don’t believe your mysterious story about Cal- the- fucking- lovely- boyfriend.” 

 

Jared couldn’t stop the tears that started streaming down his cheeks. 

As much as he tried to ignore the fact, the mentioning of Cal’s name sent a shiver of pure fear through his body.

 

Jensen looked angrily at Jared. 

 

“I knew it!” he hissed in rage but held Jared tight in his arms. “Tell me what happened.”

 

Jensen gently pushed Jared to sit on the bed. 

Jared hid his face in his large hands. 

Cal’s words rang in his ears.

 

\--“If you ever tell anyone anything I will kill Jensen!”--

 

“Jay, please tell me what’s wrong. Listen I’m not judging you for something. I was just surprised when you introduced Cal to me. But it’s ok, it’s alright. You just could’ve said it earlier that you…” 

 

Jared had to laugh. 

 

“That I’m what” he asked.

 

“Oh, well, that you into men” Jensen looked at him insistently. “I’m your friend. It doesn’t change anything. Tell me. Just tell me the truth, please”

 

Jared didn’t want to tell Jensen about his problem because he was scared of Jensen judging him, even if he said he wouldn’t. 

Regardless of what Jensen said, it would change their friendship.

 

\--“When I’m done with you, he won’t even wanna look at you anymore. You would make him disgusted. You’re nothing. A fag”--

 

“Jen please” Jared begged and hid his face in his hands again.

 

“Jared, let me take a look at your back. It looks really bad. Maybe we should get a doctor”

 

Jared jumped up immediately. 

 

“No” he screamed aghast.

 

Jen lifted his hands in surrender. 

 

“Ok, ok. Suit yourself. But let me at least take care of the wounds. They might be getting infected” 

 

Jared looked at his friend carefully. 

 

Suddenly, he got angry. 

He pushed Jensen away from him. 

He didn’t want to hurt his best friend, but it was for the best.

 

“Get off my back. Jen” Jared yelled, angry.

 

Jensen backed off and looked sadly at Jared.

 

“Don’t always interfere in my affairs. It’s none of your damned business”

 

“Jared, I just want to help” Jensen pleaded.

 

“Don’t you get it? I don’t want your help. Just leave me alone” 

 

Jared was panting heavily.

A heavy silence fell between the two of them. 

 

“I think it’s better if you go” Jared said.

 

Jensen looked at him a long time. 

Nodding once, he turned around and opened the door. 

But before he walked out the door, he tried once again. 

 

“Jay?”

 

Jared only glared at him. 

 

“Go,” he ordered. 

 

Jensen shook his head and left the trailer 

 

After the door slammed shut Jared collapsed on the bed and cried like a little child. 

 

He had to hurt the one he loved and needed the most to protect him.

He had to hurt him and to push him away. 

 

After what felt like an eternity, and after he was sure that Jensen left the set, he made his way up to Eric’s office to pick up the new script. 

 

He entered after being invited in.

 

“Hey” was his only greeting.

 

“Hey Jared” Eric answered. “Sit down for a moment please”

 

He pointed at the empty chair across from the desk.

 

Jared got a queasy feeling in his stomach.

He had really just wanted to pick up the script and than head home.

 

“What’s up” he asked, trying to keep his voice upbeat.

 

Nervously he kneed his hands. 

Eric hands him a big bunch of papers. 

 

“Here’s your script” he said and looked at Jared a little bit longer.

 

“Can I go?” Jared asked. 

 

Eric sighed, stood up and sat at the desk in front of Jared.

 

“I guess we have a problem” he said.

 

Jared looked at him, confused. 

 

“Problem with what?”

 

“With you” answered Eric.

 

Jared looked at him in surprise.

 

“Jared, I don’t know what’s wrong with you at the moment, but in the next episode you have to shoot a love scene. Apart from that, that you let yourself got beaten ‘til you’re black and blue. You’re also can’t be asleep at the switch when we shoot. It’s not like you’re not good. But it looks like to me that you don’t take your job very serious. And you should be aware of that. There’s so many other talented young guys walking around out there, any one of which would sell their own grandmother for the role of Sam”

 

“What do you mean?” Jared looked shocked at his producer.

 

“That means that if I were you, I would concentrate more at the work instead of any stupid bar fights. See to it that you’re fit for the CW Party”

 

With that Eric stood up 

 

“Ok that’s it. Go home and rest”

 

Jared stood up without a word and left the office with tears in his eyes. 

 

He waited for the taxi to arrive and take him home. 

 

Jared let loose some of his tension as the front door shut. 

His life was a single catastrophe. 

 

Sadly he sand on the couch and cuddled with his dogs who were really glad to see him. 

He lay down on his side against the soft cushions.

 

His body and soul were screaming for Jensen. 

He needed him. 

He needed him by his side. 

How should he survive all this?

 

‘Jensen thinks I’m gay’. 

 

He couldn’t stop the bitter laugh. 

He wasn’t gay. 

He never was and definitely won’t be. 

He always liked women. 

But Jensen was an exception. 

He loves his friend’s eyes, his lips and that the trained body.

 

“I’m bi-sexual, that’s it. I’m bi just for one person,” Jared thought. 

 

He knew he felt loved and secure with Jensen. 

 

With those thoughts about Jensen in his head he fell asleep.

 

***** 

 

A loud whine and whimper made him open his eyes. 

 

It was already dark outside, just the moonlight shone through the patio door. 

As he glanced at the door he felt that his heart would stop beating any minute.

 

There stood Cal and he had the youngest of the dog’s by at the neck and shook him from side to side. 

The other dog stood in a position to attack, in front of him and growled at Cal.

 

“No!” Jared screamed and jumped off the couch. 

 

As fast as he could he ran to the door and launched himself at Cal who dropped the dog go in surprise. 

The dog fell whining to the ground.

 

“You fucking bastard” Jared screamed and punched Cal into the stomach. 

 

If Jared loved one thing over all in his life, it was his dogs, his babies.

 

Cal was impressed by the punch and dipped his hand in the pocket of his jeans. 

He pulled out a switchblade. 

 

Jared backed off, frightened as Cal slashed at him. 

 

He missed Jared’s chest by a hair’s breadth.

 

“Do you have anything to say, fag?” Cal smirked and the blade flashed in the moonlight.

 

“Let them both alone” Jared muttered.

 

Cal laughed. 

It was a horrible laugh. 

 

“I’ll teach you some manners. You will do exactly what I tell you or I will slit both of your dogs until they bleed out. Those damn bastards”

 

Jared was numb with shock. 

How could Cal do such thing? 

 

There was no doubt that he would do it if Jared didn’t do what he was told. 

 

The unhurt dog was ready to attack again after he turned away from the other dog still laying on the ground.

 

“Harley out,” Jared said to calm his dog down. 

 

He wanted to protect his Master.

 

“If he tries to attack me, I’m gonna kill him, and you too” hissed Cal.

 

Jared began to shake. 

 

“Ok, ok. He’ll do nothing. Promise. Let’s just go inside, okay?” Jared begged.

 

Cal nodded and hustled Jared towards the door and closed it behind them. Jared glanced one last time at his wounded dog and prepared himself mentally for that what was going to happen....


	3. Chapter 3

  
Author's notes: here I am again and I am sad to say it... but I am unbetad again.  
I send the text through a grammar programm and it told me it was okay so I wanna give it a try.  
So,if there still any mistakes..its all the programms fault^^

Hope you still enjoy it.  


* * *

Jared sat quietly on the bed and stared through the darkness out the window. 

 

Cal was gone. 

It was quiet in the house. 

 

When Cal had finally dished out his punishment and had left, Jared crawled on all fours to the living room to look after his dogs.

 

jared laughed at himself. 

How stupid it has to look if someone built like him crawled so broken on the floor. 

 

He opened the patio door and immediately the dogs came to him and licked him, whining the whole time. 

Thank God they were ok.

 

Now he sat on his bed. 

He wanted to change the sheets but couldn’t pull himself together. 

 

He turned off the light, welcoming the darkness. 

It covered the red of his blood which was spotted all over the white sheet. 

 

Jared wished that the same darkness would fall in his mind, an inky darkness that would repaint the memories and the pain.

 

Suddenly he longed for something even more than the darkness and silence. 

He longed to be free, but could see no way out of the situation. 

He was the key; that much he knew. 

He was the one who put Jensen in danger. 

Cal was here and made his life a hell because of him. 

It was his fault. 

 

He wasn’t strong enough to tell Jensen the truth. 

In that moment though, it rang crystal clear like never before that he couldn’t let it go on. 

 

Jared sighed, stood up from his bed and made his way to the bath room. 

He left the light turned off. 

The darkness let him believe that he was stuck in a horrible nightmare. 

 

What was it he learned when they were shooting the episode “What is and what should never be” ?

If you die in a dream you wake up.

 

No he stood in front of the big mirror cabinet and stared at his face. 

 

“Dude you look like shit” he muttered. 

 

He opened the cabinet and picked up a little round glasses with pills in it.

He watched them for a moment.

Which ones should he take?

They had to be strong enough to let him wake up from his nightmare.

 

Jared decided to take them all.

He had to be sure that they would do their job.

 

With the three glasses in his hands he went downstairs into the living room.

He laid them down onto the table and then he went to his bar.

He opened it and took out a huge bottle of Vodka.

 

He once bought it for Jensen, so he would have something to drink if they would play PS3 again.

 

As Jared thought about his friend his heart sank.

Why has he been so weak?

Now it was too late for them.

Jensen thought that Jared was with Cal!

 

He sat down on his sofa and opened the bottle.

With a weak smile he drank the first sip.

 

The alcohol burned down his throat.

 

Jared still had the taste of Cal on his tongue.

Just two hours ago he had to blow him and he could still feel him in his mouth.

He was thankful that the Vodka took the bitter and salty taste from him.

 

He took another sip as if the alcohol could take away his memories.

 

Then he opened all three glasses and let the pills fall onto the table.

They were very colorful and the sight of it remembered him of M & Ms.

 

His heart pounded heavy in his chest as he took the first pills and swallowed them.

 

Jen finally could be happy if he was gone, he thought.

He wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore.

He even wouldn’t have to stand the sight of Jared.

 

\--„You are disgusting.. You are nothing… Garbage …just a good fuck… but you like it, right?“ --

 

Jared closed his eyes and took more pills .

He hurried to swallow them with the alcohol.

He drank the half bottle in one go.

 

More pills followed.

More Vodka flowed down his throat til there was nothing left.

 

Jareds head was in absolute chaos.

 

He let the empty bottle fall down onto the carpet and thought about what would happen now.

 

Suddenly he reminded his dogs and he looked at them.

They were peaceful asleep.

 

Who would take care of them if he was gone?

 

Jared was afraid that Cal would take them and do..whatever…to them.

 

No,he wouldnt let that happen.

 

He tried to find a way to give them in good care but his head wasn’t really working anymore.

He felt like he was in a thick fog ,his sight was blurred and his movements harsh.

 

He stood up and went for his cell phone.

 

„What was the number again… ?“ he cursed as his already clumsy fingers tried to tip it onto the display.

 

He began to sway a little and so he leaned against the wall to steady himself.

 

He was relieved as the phone beeped and the number seemed to be the right one.

But the call went straight to voicemail.

 

„Hey there, I am not in the mood to talk right now but if you still want to go on my nerves ,do it after the beep.!“

 

The beep came and Jared suddenly didn’t know what to say anymore.

 

First of his thoughts was to end the call but then he thought about that Cal would do his dogs harm when he was gone .

 

„Hey Jenni, its me …Jared ..hey…“ his drunken voice slurred.

„You have to take care of Harley and Sadie…okay? …I have to…wake up… Jen?Are you there Jenni? Promise me to take care of them, ok? … And don’t come near Cal… you have to promise me….“

 

Jared slid down the wall, his legs felt like pudding.

The dizziness was overwhelming and the last few words weren‘t any more than a whisper.

 

„I love you“

 

Then a strong darkness surrounded him.

Now he could wake up from his nightmare and maybe, just maybe, this time he could make it right….

 

….. Jensens heart pounded heavy in his chest.

His car raced to Jareds home.

He tried to call Jared on his cell phone but he didn’t answer it.

 

Jensen thought about the most horrible things that he could imagine.

It was all his fault.

 

Why had he to take a shower as Jared called?

Why?

 

He parked the car in front of Jareds house and ran to the front door.

 

„Jared!“ he yelled as he opened the door with his key. „Jay??“

 

But except Harley and Sadie barking ,he couldn’t hear a damn thing.

 

As he entered the house the two dogs jumped happily at him.

 

„Hey buddies.. Where is your master, hu?“ he asked and patted their heads.

 

He scanned the room and that was when he saw Jared laying on the floor.

Unconcious.

 

„Fuck! Jay!“ he shouted breathless and ran to his best friend.

„Come on dude!.. You didn’t do this!“ he said and cradled him to his chest.

„What did you take, hu?… Fuck!“

 

He wiped a strand from Jareds face and looked around the room.

He found the Vodka and the different glasses.

 

„Jay! Fuck! Come on man, you cant do this to me!“ Jensen touched Jareds face softly.

 

Then he lifted Jared up and carried him into the bathroom.

 

„Dude, if I wouldn’t love you so damn much…“ Jensen mumbled and leaned Jareds large body against the toilet bowl. 

 

With one hand he grabbed Jareds chest to steady him ,with the other hand he reached into Jays moth to put a finger in and urge him on to throw up.

 

„Come on Jay! You are so fucking stupid! You cant leave me!“

 

Jensen was afraid that he had come to late.

 

Thank god, he heard Jareds message right after the voicemail took it.

He had just finished his shower.

 

Finally Jared began to retch and threw up.

A mix of alcohol and pills fell into the bowl.

 

Jareds whole body started to shake as he came to.

He whimpered and tried to fight Jensen.

 

But Jensen didn’t gave up.

This deadly shit had to leave Jareds system!

 

Jared threw up until there was nothing left in his stomach.

That was when Jensen helped Jared rinse his mouth and he laid him down sideways onto the floor.

 

Jensen filled a glass with water and tried to make Jared drink.

But Jared fought against it.

He shook his head.

He just wanted to wake up from his nightmare and NOBODY would take that away from him.

 

„Jay! Please!“ Jensen begged. „You have to drink something!“

 

Jareds teeth chattered , so Jensen took the bathrobe that was hanging on the door and tried to put it as softly as he could onto him.

 

Jared wept bitterly.

 

Jensen took his cell phone and dialed 911.…


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen sat in the small room.

It was dark.

Only the strange noises ,that controlled Jareds breath creeped through the silence.

 

Jen sat beside Jareds hospital bed and looked at him sorrowful.

 

Two days.

 

Two day had gone by since Jensen had found his best friend in his house, full with pills and alcohol in a suicidal attempt.

Two days that Jensen spend with trying to keep the press away.

 

He had told Kripke the most important things but not the whole truth.

That was not his business.

And he was sure that Jared would be pissed if Jensen would tell their boss that he was trying suicide.

No way. Thank you.

 

But he had to tell Kripke something, so he told him about an accident so Eric could cancel their appearance for the CW party.

 

Immediately Kripke told Jensen it was okay and they should take their time .

 

Now Jensen could do nothing more than just sit there and wait.

Waiting for Jared to open his eyes.

Waiting for Jared to start fighting.

Something, the doctor told him ,wouldn’t happen so soon.

 

Jensen took a deep breath and took Jays hand in his own.

 

„Come on Jay.“ he begun with a whisper.

„You cant leave me alone!“

 

He looked at his best friend.

Jareds skin was pale.

Too pale.

 

Jen memorized every hour they had been together and he started to wonder,when the changes had begun.

 

Why hadn‘t he noticed that Sandra wasn’t with Jared on set anymore?

Damn it!

 

And why thought Jared that he couldn’t talk to Jensen anymore?

 

„Mr Ackles?“ a friendly voice asked.

 

Jen startled .

 

„Yeah?“ he asked and looked at the doctor who took care of Jared.

 

„Mr Ackles I would like to have a word with you. Would you mind to come outside for a moment?“

 

Jensen nodded.

 

„Of course“ he said and squeezed Jareds hand .

„I am right back“ he smiled and kissed Jareds forehead before he stood up and left the room.

 

„Any news doc?“ he asked nervous .

 

The doctor looked very serious.

 

„We have the results of the test that were done to Mr Padalecki earlier .“ she said friendly .

 

„And?“ Jensen wasn’t sure if that was something positive or negative.

 

„The pills he took were very strong. They needed prescription. We don’t think it was an accident. We think that Mr Padalecki was trying to kill himself. He knew what he did“

 

Jensen took a deep breath.

He feared it before but to be 100% sure made it so much worse.

It broke his heart.

Jared really tried suicide.

 

Tired ,Jensen let his hand rub over his eyes.

 

„But unfortunately there is more …“ the doctor continued.

 

Jen looked puzzled at her.

 

„Do you know if Mr Padalecki was in contact with a male person?“ she asked seriously.

 

„What do you mean? Contact?“ Jensen asked.

 

„Sexual contact..“

 

„Whoa… what the fuck?“ Jens eyes went wide.

 

„No“ he answered too fast. „He isn‘t gay if that is what you want to know.“

 

Jensen felt dizzy.

But then he remembered Cal.

He felt the bile rise in his throat.

 

„Why do you ask Doctor Mclean?“ he wanted to know even if he was sure to know the answer already.

His heart hammered in his chest.

 

„It all looks like a crime. We are sure that Mr Padalecki was raped…“

 

 

….It was two hours ago that Jensen had left the hospital.

He had kissed Jareds forehead .

 

„I am right back sleepyhead. Don’t worry. I will be at your side when you decide to wake up.“

 

Then he stomped out of the building ,took his car and drove away.

 

„I will get you ,you bastard!“ he cursed while he exceeded the tempo limit.

 

He drove to his home.

He parked right in front of the front door and hurried to get inside.

He ran into his bedroom and opened the bedside table.

There he saw what he wanted.

The metal shone in the light and Jensen took the gun.

For a moment he just looked at the Magnum ,then he lifted his shirt and slotted the gun into his jeans waistband.

He let the shirt fell back over it and hurried to get out of the house.

 

With squealing wheels he drove into the night.

His arrival point?

Jareds house….

 

Flashback…

__________

 

As the doctor told Jensen that Jared had been raped, he thought he would die inside.

It was like a fist to his face.

A rollercoaster of emotions.

 

Then he had been in Jareds room again.

He wasn’t able to sit still anymore.

He couldn’t calm his racing heartbeat, couldn’t dispel the pain inside of him.

 

He walked back and forth and every now and then he looked at Jared.

What was he supposed to do?

 

Jesus, he would have loved to kill Cal for what he had done to his best friend.

He would have tortured him in ways he wasn’t even able to think of right then. 

A slow death was definitely what that son of a bitch deserved .

 

Calm down, he thought to himself and tried to get some of his control back.

His blood was boiling .

 

He took a deep breath.

 

„What am I supposed to do?“ he whispered.

 

Jared would say: „ Don’t do something stupid! Don’t do something you will regret!“

 

Oh shit.

What should he do.

 

Suddenly an idea hit him like a lightning. 

 

He took his cell phone and dialed Jason Manns number.

Jason was a great friend to Jensen and he could talk to him about whatever.

 

Jensen cursed as he saw his battery was dead.

 

Angrily he threw his cell phone back onto his jacket.

 

If he wouldnt watch out he would go totally mad and that wasn’t a good thing.

He needed to be controlled.

 

He tried to think about a way out of this situation.

He needed to talk to somebody who could calm him.

 

Then he remembered Jareds cell phone.

He looked for Jareds jeans, found it and took the cell phone out.

 

He looked at the display.

 

31 missed calls.

15 SMS.

 

Jensen opened the option MISSED CALLS.

 

CAL. Yesterday 5.45 am

CAL. Yesterday 5.53 am

CAL. Yesterday 6.17 am

 

And so on.

 

Jensen felt the hate creeping through him.

 

He opened one of the text messages .

He couldnt stop in his rage.

It was Jareds private sphere but who would blame him?

 

\- No matter where youre hiding..I will find you…-

 

Jensen bit his fist for stopping himself to start yelling.

 

He opened the next one.

 

\- I will wait for you at home. I will punish you for leaving me in the lurch. And don’t even think about that cocksucker Ackles.. you know what I told you! And I will do it! If you want to protect him.. be here by tomorrow evening!-

 

Jensen took a deep breath not even knowing he had been holding it.

 

„No“ he whispered in shock.

„That cant be true!“

 

Had Jared put himself in danger to protect him?

 

„Why did you do that?“ Jensen whimpered and a single tear slid over his cheek.

 

He stood still for a moment.

Then the rage came.

The hate.

It was so overwhelming that even Jensen himself was uncomfortable with it.

But he couldn’t stop it now.

It was too late.

His feelings were stronger now than his mind.

 

He looked at his watch.

The message was from yesterday.

That would mean, Cal would be at Jareds house right now, waiting for him.

 

Jensen snarled and grinned as he thought about what he would do to Cal…

 

 

….End Flashback

______________


	5. Chapter 5

  
Author's notes: This is the last chapter before my vacation^^  
I am flying to Vancouver for two weeks.  
But I promise to post the next chapter as soon as I am back again.  


* * *

Jensen drove like a maniac.

He stopped in front of Jareds house .

He jumped out of the car and reached for the now warm metal of the gun and pulled it out of his waistband as he ran to the front door.

 

He reached for his key and let himself in.

 

„I get you sonofabitch“ he whispered and grinned.

 

He silently turned the key in the keyhole and the door opened with a soft klick .

 

Jensens heart nearly jumped out of his chest as he entered the house.

It was dead silent.

 

He looked at the first floor if Cal was there.

But nothing. 

 

Then he went upstairs to the second floor, the gun protective in front of him.

 

Suddenly he heard a strange noise behind him.

Too late.

Before he could turn around ,something hard hit his head and he felt to his knees.

It was very painful but he tried to stand up.

 

There he was.

Cal.

 

„I will torture you for what you have done to Jared , you sick fuckhead!“ Jensen grunted and with a twisted smile he got up and reached for his gun that still lay in front of him.

 

„Look who is here…“ Cal laughed and pointed with his gun in Jensens direction.

„I expected that Jared would be here right now but I will enjoy the change“

 

It all happened to fast and Jensen could do nothing as Cal kicked the gun from his hand.

It flew over the banister.

 

„Uuups…sorry“ Cal grinned.

„I wanted to play fair.. But, you know… its much more fun without the fairness“

 

He pointed his gun at Jensens head.

Jensens wild eyes concentrated on the barrel. 

 

„Looks like your luck has left, hu? „

 

„I really don’t wanna disappoint you.. But I wouldn’t be so sure!“ was Jensens answer.

 

If it was any good to play the role of Dean Winchester it was to learn about some fight skills and to observe.

Jensen could see Cals hopper and he saw that he would do a dry fire next.

 

Jen was sure that he could take Cal by surprise.

 

And then it all happened very fast.

Cal fired his gun…

 

But instead of a loud bang , a silent klick was heard and Cal was surprised.

 

Jensen took advantage of this moment and attacked him.

He whipped the gun from Cals hands and his fist connected with Cals face.

Cal fell on the ground and Jensen bend over him.

 

Cal tried to laugh about him.

„How sweet.. the great hero…. How bad I got to fuck Jared senseless before you got him“

 

Jensen went all white.

 

„Aww. What now? You didn’t knew it? Jared tried to protect you cause he has a big crush on you. How sweet, isn‘t it? You should have seen his dumb face as I fucked him so deep that he could even breath anymore. I told him I would kill you and he started to cry. Best entertainment ever!“

 

Jensen gaped at him in shock.

It really happened all because of him.

Cal had raped Jared because of him.

He tortured Jared because of him.

 

Jared loved him?

 

Jen grinned as his fist connected several times with Cals face.

 

„I will give you a taste of your own medicine, fucker!“ Jen hissed and took his gun.

 

He pulled Cal up.

 

He pressed his gun at Cals temple.

 

He would do it.

He really would.

He would kill that bastard.

 

But then he remembered Jared and how disappointed he would be.

 

I cant , Jensen thought, damn it.

 

Technically he could do it, he could kill Cal, like asap.

He hated enough, he was angry enough.

And he wouldnt even blink with his eyes.

 

But what he couldnt do, what he couldn’t live with, was, to disappoint Jared. 

And he would be disappointed big time!

He would never ever talk to him again.

 

A little drop of blood fell down Jensen‘s cheek.

It was warm and seemed to be from a head wound.

 

He snorted frustrated because he knew he wouldnt

do it.

He wouldn’t do it because he didn’t want to loose Jared.

 

Jared really loved him?

 

Jen grinned again and took Cals shirt in his fist to drag him up against the barrister.

 

„Awww… you cant do it? You are just as weak as Jared!“ Cal sneered.

 

Jensen leaned forward.

 

„You will never come near him again!“ he hissed against Cals ear and pushed him above the barrister.

 

Cals eyes widened and he held onto Jensens shirt in hope he wouldn’t fall down.

 

„Have a nice flight!“ Jensen grinned nasty and let Cal fall down .

 

Cal landed, head first ,on the stone stairs.

There was a strange noise and Jensen was sure that Cal had broke his neck.

 

He needed a minute and looked down at the corpse.

 

He thought about what to tell the cops if they would catch him.

He had just pushed Cal for self-defense.

He didn’t mean to kill him

 

He smiled satisfied ,took Cals gun and wiped it clean of fingerprints.

Another good thing he learned from acting Dean Winchester.

 

Then he went downstairs past Cals corpse and left the house.

 

He looked in the driving mirror as he started his car.

He wiped at the blood on his face disdainfully.

 

He drove a good few streets away before he stooped at a callbox and dialed the polices number.

 

He had to get rid of Cal somehow.

 

After he did his anonymous call he got back into his car and drove back to the hospital.

To Jared.

 

***

 

Jensens head laid on Jareds hand as he woke up.

 

Another crappy day, he thought as he yawned. 

 

The sun was seen behind the heavy certain .

 

„Morning Sunshine !“ he said to Jared with a small smile and looked at his friends still pale face.

 

Yesterday was getting more to him than he would have ever imagined.

 

As much as he hated cal.. He hadn‘t wanted to hurt Jared with his actions.

Good thing Jared didn’t know.

Jensen was just glad that he didn’t shoot Cal.

 

If the police would catch him, he would go to prison and that would mean that he couldn’t watch after Jared anymore.

 

Jensen stood up and gave Jared a light kiss on his forehead.

Then he stroked away one of Jareds wild strands that fell over his closed eyes.

 

„Com on Jay! Please wake up! I don’t want to pray another day for your life. You do know, I don’t like praying…?“

 

He wanted to sound funny but it didn’t work.

He was too stressed and even if he hadnt allowed himself to cry… now he did.

 

„I need you Jay! Please come back to me. I cant go on without you. I was so blind. So dumb. I should have told you sooner what I feel for you“

 

He took Jareds hand.

 

„I love you Jare !Please wake up for me, okay?“

 

Jensen face was tear strained .

 

That was the moment it happened.

First Jensen thought that he would imagine things so little was the move in his hand.

But then.. Jared clasped Jensens hand.

 

„Jay?!“ Jensen was shocked about the sudden movement. „Jay, are you with me?“

 

A single tear fell from Jareds still closed eyes.

 

„Jay, come on. Open your eyes for me.. Please!“ Jensen whispered excited .

 

Jared needed a moment but then he opened his eyes and hazel eyes looked at emerald green eyes.

 

„Jay“ Jensen cried happily.

 

Jared raised his free hand and tried to wipe away Jensens tears.

He shook his head.

He didn’t get the words out, his throat was too dry but Jensen knew what he wanted to say.

He wiped at the tears himself.

 

Jared had heard everything Jensen had said.

What he had told him.

He heard how Jensen told him he would love him.

And that it was why Jared decided to fight again….


End file.
